This now famous story all began when mother Cheryl Kilodavis and her son Dyson appeared on the Today show to promote her new book “The Princess Boy” about a boy who likes his pink dress.  This follows the Nerdy Apple Bottom blog where a mother discusses how her son chose to dress up as a female cartoon character for Halloween.

 The first thing to cross my mind was, wow, these moms are awesome. It made me appreciate my mom even more for letting me take dance lessons as a child and not take away my Rainbow Brite coloring book (that stays between us).  The second, is that I worry these kids are going to be bullied.  As a child, I wasn’t able to hide all my quirks and like most, I was teased.

To prevent bullying, some parental response to these stories is that such behavior should not be encouraged. I’d like to argue though, perhaps children who grow up with no intervention of intolerant behavior is the real source of the problem.  Why silence the boy in potential cases like this and not his aggressor?

“He’s asking for it” or “if only he acted more like the other boys”, are no longer justifiable responses for intolerance. Things do not evolve if we don’t accustom children to be faced with difference as early as possible.  The filter that tries to censor who we really are is learned at school, home and through pop-culture; even through children's books and toys. So even if these boys weren’t allowed to wear dresses, there very well may be other social cues that inevitably get them picked on regardless.

All with good intention, parents simply don’t wish for their child to have a hard time growing up. Is that why its so wrong for a boy to look like a girl? For a male to resemble anything like a female continues to be a threat; an offense to our idea of masculinity and how we expect males to behave.

 Deeply engrained gender norms are forced upon children at such a young age. In our effort to protect them from bullying, we should perhaps challenge this and approach prevention from another angle.  Educating parents and schools on concepts of gender norms and their variations are critical.  Without this, we take children who are different and pit them against the rest of the world.  How is the latter a safer path for them?

Struggling with what we are expected to suppress contributes to low self-esteem and depression when faced with intolerance. Children create incredible representations of their own uniqueness, so for now, maybe we can let kids be kids? A parent's best intention to protect a child from a world of intolerance indirectly introduces their first experience of it in the home.  At school awaits children, faculty and children's books that reinforce this intolerance as well.

Whether this is all paired with a future as trans or gay, remind me again what is so wrong with that? It is not a parent's story to tell or decide for their child.  One thing is for certain, suppression translates these identities as unwanted and wrong. If that's the message we are okay sending to children, then we shouldn't be suprised at the rates of teen bullying and teen suicides. Although, we surely can tell a story of a happy child, which is what Cheryl Kilodavis did.

 When a parent like Cheryl is courageous enough to challenge the norm, she received an outcry of support and a book deal, yet there are still some harsh critics out there. The resistance is indeed a reflection of what makes adults uncomfortable and not necessarily what they feel is healthy for children. Kilodavis, like my own mother, were simply ahead of their time. They are most awesome for truly loving their child and letting him be himself. Rainbow Brite coloring book and all. Pink dresses and some thicker skin.

 Photo Source: www.MSNBC.ca