Brian Tuck

How Open Is Your Big Open City?

You couldn't count it if you tried, we just don't see gay and lesbian couples performing public displays of affection as much as straight people do everyday. Does that mean we are devoid of the capacity to show affection? Obviously not. Although, many of us live in progressive cities with visible gay populations, but let's think outside the perimeter of your city's gay district for a moment

When we do hold our partner's hand in public, it is either interpreted as a political statement or showing off because we know people may stare. Well, that's because some are staring. Not necessarily in a bad way, people are probably more surprised at the rarity of gay public displays of affection. To some others, our identities are shams; we are rebellious and rogue citizens out to make people squirm at our gutsy little show.

Of course, PDAs become an issue of safety too. Hate crimes against gays and lesbians have actually increased in major cities over the past few years. Largely in part that people are coming out of their city's gay district holding hands more often, instead of pretending to look like buddies. The more liberal our culture becomes, the more resistance we need to be prepared to face. It's not a time to shy away.

Fingers crossed this doesn't chase us back in the collective community closet. There poses a risk that someone will react negatively to a gay PDA in some capacity. People giggle, point, yell comments from cars and some even react violently, but who cares what people think, right? Well, clearly we do, let's admit that. If we didn't, we would see gay love all around us. Maybe it would be less of a surprise for the public if we all did our part and took those risks more often.

Even I am surprised when I see same-sex couples holding hands downtown or having a lengthy goodbye on the subway. I smile with respect at their courage and apparent carefree affection. But it's not them who I am looking at, my gaze sometimes quietly searches around to see people's reactions. In many cases, depending on what part of town you find yourself in, I realize people mainly don't care. There are even supportive smiles from strangers. Inevitably, it could make someone uncomfortable and I think that's awesome they have moment to hopefully work through that.

Someone once told me people generally don't like seeing any PDAs, gay or straight, and that people should "get a room". Though really, why do we always have to go there? How does holding my future boyfriend's hand over dinner at a restaurant compare to heterosexual teenagers slurping and grinding on each other in the subway station in front of everyone? And even then, that would still be less shocking than two males kissing goodbye on a street corner.

People don't give it a second thought if members of the opposite sex have their arms around each other, exchange loving glances or hold hands walking down the street. This is the privilege of identifying as heterosexual, to live one's life a little more carefree, without fear. Maybe I would have liked to have a chance to be a carefree teenager having hot and heavy make out sessions wherever I pleased. Better late than never, I say. Crack out the Binaca, we have some catching up to do.

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+1 #2 Richard Walker 2011-01-30 04:28

Two years ago I was walking in Brussels, Belgium, holding my boyfriend's hand and a group of youths threw stones at us. Stones the size of my fist. We had to run, I mean run, to be safe. Later that same evening we came across two policemen and I asked them if people in Brussels always threw stones at men who were holding hands. They simply shrugged their shoulders.

Better late than never? It's still not safe.

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+1 #1 Kyoki Walker 2011-01-30 00:36

Props for writing this article Brian Tuck, it`s refreshing to hear this aloud as a reader. I enjoyed your perspective and share your exact sentiments. Keep up the village voice, it brings visibility to the obvious and initiates further progressive dialogue on this subject, thereby bringing awareness to the state of our present socio-cultural society which has noticably evolved in the past 10 years and you are good for sharing your remarks that educate my on-going understandings.

LOVELOVELOVE - John Lennon Style, all together now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYUBehXPJTY

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