by Brian Tuck

I remember seeing an episode of Sex In The City where the ladies were discussing bisexuality, remarking how it’s a phase and on the way “to gay”.  In the show, Charlotte says that bisexuals should "pick a side", which in many cases sums up what some people actually think about those who bat for both teams.  Although I have heard this being said, I'm more interested in how the gay community is discriminatory towards our bi brethren and how we share some of these sentiments. It seems like everyone has on opinion on this and well - so do I.

The bisexual: double the trouble or double standards?

We may not be aware that we see it this way, but if bisexuals are dating the opposite sex, we consider them straight. If they are with the same sex they are considered gay. In all cases, they are stereotyped as greedy, shifty and undecided - double-dippers who want to have their cake and eat it too.  This may lead to many bisexuals concealing their bi-side because society expects them to publically appropriate a one-sided identity. In actuality they can love an individual regardless of what’s down their pants. In reality, what we present to the public (with friends, at work, etc.)  is a lot more fluid, contextual and evolutionary than we think.

It seems that men in particular are categorized as either straight or gay. This misconception may lead to straight men only identifying as bi behind the screen of internet hook-up profiles and not engaging in more open same-sex encounters. If a man is even remotely open about being bisexual, his friends will automatically call him gay. He is publically identified as either gay or half-way in the closet. People suddenly seem to know more about his identity than he does!

However, we generalize that a woman can be bi, but only in porn, in a drunk stupor at a club teasing male onlookers or in a Katy Perry music video. To us, these women are only publically asserting their bisexuality for the viewing pleasure of a straight male, trying to obtain validation from him, hoping her "boyfriend don’t mind it”. Geez, it appears the double standards don’t escape female bisexuality either.

The truth of the matter is, it’s not anyone’s story to tell except someone who has one to share. How a person narrates his or her life is really up to them. In fact, there are many studies out there suggesting that we are all, to some degree, bisexual. Perhaps that potential 1% of me that is straight isn’t strong enough to have a second coming-out (a coming-in?).

Oh hell, let’s renovate and break these closet walls down! This all doesn’t have to be so black or white. Let's face the fact that a fantasy or two in life doesn’t necessarily imply a whole new identity. For those, like myself, who have battled to freely identify as gay, who have dealt with the pain and prejudices that actually fuelled our pride in our identity, it’s hard to even consider renegotiating this all over again. But why not?

Bisexuals are caught halfway between two communities: a global, mainstream one and a gay one that is marginalized. No wonder most bisexuals keep their grey zone to themselves when so many people think bisexuality isn't even a real identity. It's just a matter of visibility: if a bisexual male is in a relationship with the opposite sex, he’s not visibly bisexual, and if he’s in a same-sex relationship, he’s viewed as gay.

A constant “coming-out” narrative ensues: bisexuals who are “out” are left to constantly disclose and defend their identity on both sides, combatting misconceptions of half-fulfilled love and shifty commitment potential. I also have a friend named Charlotte (ironically the opposite of the Charlotte on Sex In The City) who argues that, “I don’t fall in love with men or women, I fall in love with people”. Well said…

Ironically, arguing against the existence of bisexuality is similar to the conservative standpoints that have concluded the same about homosexuality. This conventional thinking implies that someone chooses to be gay; clearly this is a straight person speaking on behalf of a gay person - or perhaps it's someone who choses to be straight and decides to interpret someone else’s reality.

Let’s remember then, that this argument can go both ways. If we are going to say that a bisexual person is someone choosing not to come out as gay, we can just as easily say that a gay person chooses to deny some partial attraction to the opposite sex. Maybe we are all bisexual then, if not at least a little bi...ased.