Tips To Turn That First Date Into A Second Date
Brian Tuck
While some of this may seem quite logical, the challenges of dating etiquette are continuously put to the test. Nothing is more successful than just being yourself, although, there are some golden rules to live by when there is room to grow.
Be on time. You may think you are creating suspense, but Madonna’s tour crew won’t be providing smoke effects for your grand entrance, so get a watch.
Be a listener. Sometimes when we are nervous and afraid of uncomfortable silences we blab our way through a first encounter. What is most important to avoid is redundant banter about our life. The secret to being a good listener is to:
a) ask questions about what you just heard. It shows interest and keeps the conversation moving forward. It also displays interest in the other person.
b) never taking opportunity to turn it into an opportunity to talk about oneself.
Afraid of those awkward silences? It doesn’t mean your date doesn’t know how to converse, it simply means both of you are unsure of where the conversation should go.
The secret to lifting an awkward moment: ask a question or call it out. Asking a question can pick the conversation back up. Calling it out uplifts an awkward moment by acknowledging the energy at the table, for example: “I have to be honest, I’m a little nervous right now” is great. It’s ok to be vulnerable, it shows you are honest and don’t need to uphold a tough exterior.
Who knows, maybe it’s sexual tension, maybe it’s ok to feel awkward? If you find yourself playing 20 questions, however, I’d begin to rethink the social skills of your date.
Let the conversation go where it wants, but keep your hand on the wheel. Of course, if all is going well and you are having a blast, please disregard this step. For those moments when you have an intuition the topic of how your ex broke your heart was something you should have left in your journal, you were correct the last ten dates you brought it up. You just met each other for goodness sake, talk about the food or the most exciting thing that happened to them that day.
Don’t play games. Thinking of acting uninterested to play hard to get? Your date probably doesn’t want to date a 15 year old. Enough said. Calculating how many days to avoid calling him to not appear needy and checking your cell phone periodically to appear busy or not desperate, such silliness. Having said that:
Put your cell phone away. Seriously, how do you think our parents got through a date without one? Nothing says I’m not giving you my full attention than texting in front of your date. Unless you are a surgeon and pre-warned your date you are on-call, keep your eyes on your date.
Don’t Lie. You’re happy your date didn’t catch on that you chopped a few years off your driver’s license. If all goes well however, your cover will be blown. It’s only a matter of time your date will wonder what else you lied about. Seriously, what else did you lie about?
Beware of dating articles. (Cough) Following too many rules or someone else’s expectation of how your date should go, (like dating articles, may limit your ability to relax and enjoy the moment. But most of this is basic common sense and clearly nothing is written in stone. Beware of advice that encourages you to manipulate a situation, say things to trick responses, how to move the date to your bedroom or make yourself look in a different light that’s anything less than something genuine. You want to be with someone who will like you, for you. They will find out eventually so be yourself.
Last, but not least: screw the rules. Well, except the ones above perhaps. Really. Nothing wins more dating points than someone who is in tune with the moment, aware of their own body language and that of their date's. Sitting with folded arms, leaning back in one’s chair, constantly looking away, etc. is a sign an intervention is needed. One of you is bored or uncomfortable. Do something to change the topic, scenery or politely work your way through it.
Rules on when to call, when to sleep together, etc, is someone else's expectation of how your date should go. It depends on the chemistry between two people. Make your own rules, together.
