GayCompatible.com pushes you past your comfort zone, unchartered territory
So you’re date has an imagination, hmmm? You may be wondering, is it too soon to hear about it; too early to broach the subject of sexual adventure? Perhaps it’s not your cup of tea, or maybe it's something that has made you curious.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we all have fantasies of all varying degrees; saucy ideas that circle around in our head. Some we haven’t pondered long enough to bring to fruition or had the chance to explore yet. There is always something that will perk your attention more than others, if not now, eventually.
But what qualifies as a good fantasy? Fetishes carry stereotypes of leather and pain, but it could be anything really. Role-playing, multiple partners, outdoor adventure, fun with refrigerated goods... non-perishable items? Ok, I’m pushing it. Or am I?
If only we are as charitable with our sex drive as we are with a food drive, but this just isn’t always the case. We all have different takes on what is considered normal or extreme, adventurous or downright creepy. The secret is communication. I have to say, it takes some courage to discuss fantasy and there should never be any harm in giving it consideration (insert common sense disclaimer). If there is trust in a relationship, we can trust that what can’t harm us can potentially make the relationship stronger, even if some element of pain is part of the fun. Different strokes for different folks, indeed. If you just met, perhaps fantasy can help foster or develop trust?
Unless you travel in fetish circles, it could be a scary territory. We should never do anything that makes us uncomfortable, but if the request is something we’re simply not familiar with, why not research it together and introduce it slowly to see what it could be like? A question to consider: is our reserve an issue of inexperience with fantasy play or the type of fantasy itself? All plausible reasons. If there is trust with a partner, the sky is the limit…and so is the kitchen cupboard.
The only potential time a fantasy can be unhealthy is one that is non-consenting or if a person can only get off a certain way involving an obsessive fetish. If your partner can only get aroused while holding a dirty sneaker in one hand, then your reluctance to not engage in play with this person is not a good or bad thing. It is simply no more limited than your partner’s unwillingness to try it sans smelly sneakers. The person with the fetish needs to be flexible and patient as well, or find others who enjoy partaking in PUMA pleasures.
Recipe for unconditional reciprocation and issues of consent
By all means, we don’t have to like everything kinky. The secret is to talk about it, discuss boundaries, contexts and conditions in a fun and playful way. The best thing about having an adventurous lover: they may be more inclined to listen to your fantasies. Nothing wrong with trying to keep one’s sex life spicy, the degrees and possibilities vary endlessly. A lover who wants to make you happy in bed? It’s a saucy recipe for unconditional reciprocation.
What doesn’t he like to do in bed, you are wondering? I have to say this isn’t much of a problem, if not at least, a positive one. Someone with less sexual hang-ups can give you the chance to explore your limits or lack thereof. It’s sometimes just as difficult for someone to bring a fantasy to the table (or bed), especially if the other has a reserve about it or we aren't sure how they would react. There are fears what one puts on the table is not going to be well received, a fear of rejection or embarrassment.
If by chance you aren't the one with the imagination, keep the sizzle by asking your partner what his fantasies are or if he'd like you to try anything new. This opens the doors for a discussion. If you are afraid of what you may hear, perhaps we are afraid of truly knowing our partners. Somthing to consider.
In all seriousness, past experiences do come into play, sometimes in a fun way and sometimes in a not-so fun way. If by chance you are not okay with something, this is where communication comes into play. A trusting and loving partner will not force or coerce you into anything that would make you uncomfortable. At the end of the day, it's about having fun. In all honesty, we don't have to take ourselves too seriously. If it doesn't work out, trying something new can at least give you both a good laugh about it.
Withholding the imaginative goods, you may be sacrificing your emotions by not being open and you both risk losing out. There is definitely an opportunity for more pleasure in disclosing our fantasies. If anything, sometimes just talking about it is hot enough.
