When to say “No”

If we can count the amount of times we say “no” during the week, we’d be quite surprised.  It comes in different forms: refusals to try that new restaurant, unreturned phone calls to an old friend and even that guy you had a date with once because he doesn’t look like James Franco. Sometimes “no” even translates when cannot forgive someone who has hurt us. They are all different ways that negate, excuse or halt a progressive move we can make in our lives.

There is a lot of power in the word “no” and depends entirely on the context that it is used.  It is absolutely respectable to refuse things that may put you in a potentially harmful situation.  Using it in the right context is what makes all difference. Perhaps it’s good to examine why we say “yes” to more hours at work, to countless favors for others, to filling up our schedule with everything else except getting a good night’s sleep, a day of hiking, night of dancing or an evening with a good book. Sounds like “yes” has the potential to be wolf in sheep’s clothing.

At risk of a small word rendering us powerless, we could benefit from turning the tables on when we apply it; intervene to take control wherever we feel we don’t have it. Used in the right context, the word “no” can be empowering. In promotion of work/life balance, setting clearer boundaries at work and interpersonally to manage one’s time can prove to be very effective if we use the word tactfully.

Now, there are ways to translate the word “no” into something that won’t get you into trouble. We don’t suggest printing it on a t-shirt; it’s contextual, let’s not forget. Here are some tips to change the word into something less negative.

“No”

“How urgent is this deadline for you? Can we agree on a new deadline that will give me more time to give your request my full attention”

“Is it absolutely necessary for me to attend this meeting? Can I benefit from simply receiving the minutes after?”

“Sorry I have previous engagement, I’ve scheduled some ‘me’ time.”

So simple, right?  Not quite, but it takes practice.

By all means, say yes to adventure and say yes to love. Be a YES person to new ideas and going with the flow.  Be a NO person, to stop double booking yourself with your friends, to overextending your schedule at work to the point where you need to spend your limited free time reflecting how unhappy, stressed or lonely you are. Stop saying “yes” for everyone else, so your ”no” starts to sound a little more like a “yes” for yourself.